Transcendentalism

It wasen’t as bad as everyone made it seem. I mean of course I still wish I had different moves, I mean I got in the circle and shook my butt, whats wrong with me?! But, for the people that didn’t even participate, they are missing out. They need to open up and get alitle sily. Who cares if you look stupid! I’m not in class to be judged. Everything in class is a leason learned, even if we don’t like it. I’m sick of everyone judging because I actually speak my mind and they keep quiet. Everyone knows what I’m like, and I’d like to know everyone else too. I’m a very open person, theres no shame in my game. But the people who didn’t participate… lighten up becuase you’re not better than any of us.. we’re actually cooler than you because we know how to have fun. I’m not ashamed that I can’t dance… I just go with the flow. #whitegirlproblems

Overall….. I would totally do it again. Rockin’ class!

I didn’t expect this… the look on everyones face right now is priceless. Leandra’s going on about how stupid this is, and actually I don’t really mind it. I wish I was prepared with some “cool” dance moves, but thank gosh Kathleen isn’t here cause she’d rock out. This is interesting.. I’ve never gotten to dance in any of my classes before.. wait have I? I dont even know. Look at Mrs. Taylor dance, its so funny. This music is not my type, lets get some party rock anthem in here. oh boy, were getting up, lets see what happens… btw, I always make a fool out of myself, nothing new.

I don’t know if you can consider I’ve transcended, but I’ve tried. and I went searching.. searching for results and I’ve got them.. they may not have been what I wanted, but I know I can make adjustments and improvements for next time.. I have the strength to be whoever I want to be.. and be strong for myself and others.. as an Individual I will achieve even if I fail.. because I except my attempts and it may not be good enough for you, but its good enough for me. I’ve transcended. 

TRUTH IS… I don’t need a phone.. I mean I DO, but I realize its just having it by my side incase of an emergency. Texting and calling is nice, because you stay in touch, but I wonder what it would be like to just send letters to people instead of text. I would have liked to try that out too. Now that this whole transcending project is over.. I feel like I had so many more options to choose from but never thought about them… But if it wasn’t for these experiences I would never want to push myself further and try harder to really find who I am as an individual. Phones aren’t everything.. safety is. Texting is just a faster way of calling.. but calling is a way to hear and actually express your tone of voice.. something our generation is loosing.. The phones need to take a break.. and realize social networking is destroying our social and intellectual skills.

AND MY PHONE IS ON! and I feel relieved to know I have my phone.. the only problem is I left it lying around during school.. came home, put it down, didn’t even think about it. After those two days I finally get my phone back and I forget about it. Maybe its just the thought of having a phone for safety that bothers me.. also I don’t want to miss out on a text or call.. but in the end.. I remove myself from social networking all the time, and it doesn’t have a negative effect on me.. well. I don’t think it does. It just makes me crazy to know I have to turn my phone off. I had 10 texts and it wouldn’t tell me how many missed calls. I’m glad I can celebrate the weekend, and know that even if I get a text I can read it but not pay too close of mind to it.

I’ve woken up and my phone is off, and I have no idea what time it is while I’m doing my hair. Instead I have to open up my labtop and keep checking. My phone is like the size of my hand, nice and easy to access. Already, I know I’m going to have a hard day at school, but luckily its a shortened day. I want to text people goodmorning, and see how they slept, and just have those happy conversations in the morning maybe planning out my weekend speaking of tomorrows Friday. Oh, that reminds me, thank gosh I did this not on a weekend day, because I think I would cry if I didn’t have my phone on during the weekends. That is like fully removing yourself from social networking. Facebook and Twitter just aren’t the same. I go on Facebook just to look at Little hatters and twitter just to read tweets that basically sum up what I’m thinking about too. I hate this.. two days.. OH NO! I can’t wait to turn this blackberry back on… SO now its Thursday night and I’ll wait until tomorrow to turn my phone on. I literally felt so alone today while I saw everyone using their cell phones. First of all I want an I phone so bad, but at this point I’m just lucky to have a phone. I loose all connections without it. I don’t talk to my best friends, my mom, I can’t contact her to pick me up from work or tell her my plans or if I’m running late. Just having no phone is a nono.. Computers don’t even compare.. they’re just good for homework.

I’ve decided for this two day experience I will not use my phone.. Now in my head I’m thinking.. “damn I don’t have numbers memorized” and “I wonder how many missed calls, texts I’m going to get.” I don’t feel I’m going to miss out on much, but I know for a fact I feel so lost without my phone. When my phone isn’t in my pocket I immediately look in my book bag. If I can’t find it quick enough I swear I get the sweats just trying to find my phone. It’s so sad what technology has done to us, but you can’t live without it. Although I don’t have usage of my phone, I can use my computer. Computers are good for twitter, and facebook.. not texting. I don’t message my friends on facebook.. and sometimes I tweet at them on twitter but not as much as texting. I’m not prepared to remove myself out of my phone life. It sounds so pathetic to know that I survive off my phone. Even to just tell time. I hate looking at the clock, because I remember that I didn’t know how to read off a clock until you don’t even wanna know what grade.. because I’m so used to digital. Sad to say but my phone does nothing but help me lack knowledge and helps me procrastinate.

I’d rather just do like 20 two day experiences because this week long one was hard… Once again I’m complaining. But after this experience I would reconsider trying to continue on with no complaining. It’ll teach me positive thoughts, and help my thinking process of what I say out loud. In all honesty I should I have chosen something easier like no cursing, or to dress up. I knew I’d have a hard time not complaining, but at least I’m not lying to anyone about not succeeding. I’m a complainer.. you live and you learn.. I’m still learning, and this thought process will just have to continue.. Not complaining is harder than you think… well at least for me. I wish I could redo this over.. I would totally pick something else.

FINALLY FINISHED!! Okay, listen. This experience was a fail. I would need more time to find myself really seeing a difference in the amount of complaining I do. I’d like to see a change in myself soon, because I don’t want this experience to go to waste. I’m relieved its over because now I don’t have to stop and say “damn, I complained” or “whoops, I didn’t just say that.” Its harder than I thought it would be. It really makes you stop and think of what to say before you say it. At times I don’t think I’m complaining because I just think its natural to state your opinion whether its negative or not. That’s where I know I’m an individual, because I stand up for what I believe in and say what needs to be said.. Although I’m not as extreme as Chris McCandless, both him and I have something in common.. we attempted but failed. But in our minds, we succeeded because we got farther than we thought we could. We admit we were weak at these situations.. in my case there’s always next time. I’M SO GLAD ITS OVER!

It’s about the third or 4th day, and let me just say… this is not an easy task.. I’d be lying if I told you my experience was perfect.. Visiting my grandma was a different experience, you can’t compare. It takes time to gradually slip off complaining. Its human nature to complain, to speak my thoughts. I don’t remember every complaint I’ve had but I can say it was probably about working, like “I don’t want to do that” or “Do I have to?” but baby complaints like that turn into an everyday thing sometimes. Sometimes I just say it to say it.. it just comes out. And this is the point where I have to realize I have to step up to the plate and do what I’m asked. Which is sometimes hard without saying something, which I’m used to doing. I don’t mean to complain, and I know its annoying, but overtime I’m hoping this experience will help my complaints become positive thoughts because my thought process has widened. This doing.. still doing.. week long experience… may need or become a month long thing.. it takes time for something like this to be successful. Especially in my case.

So I woke up this morning feeling great about no complaining, and then I go onto twitter and see everyone complaining about going to school, because their excessively tired or because they’re hungry or because they don’t want to sit in the same class with the same “ugly” people everyday. blahblahblah. a bunch of bs that I read every morning. Do I retweet or write anything? NO.. at least I don’t think I did.. ANYWAYS, I get to school and avoid my best friend as she’s complaining about her boyfriend and her problems.. I just want to tell her off, like I normally do but instead I walk away and say “I can’t complain bye!” So now I’m feeling pretty good and confident that I may get through the day if I can ignore my best friend.. (it sounds bad that I’m saying I ignore my best friend but this is a daily thing going on here, so no hard feelings.. (she knows whats coming)) So I get to maybe I was in English, but I set myself up to complain, saying how I hate how people still put up the peace sign in pictures.. So I’m assuming once I complained in that class I complained to friends in conversations also. This isn’t lookin too easy.

“In our society, we’re supposed to smile and have a nice day and pretend everything’s OK even when it’s not. That’s unreal,” says Barbara Held, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Bowdoin College. She believes that this emphasis on always seeing the bright side can encourage people to mask their unhappiness and swallow their gripes-but that can be toxic. “It’s important to learn how to tell friends and family when you’re upset-if you don’t, you end up alone in your pain. Complaints can be healing,” she says.

This is another big step for me.. NO COMPLAINING… FOR A WEEK?! When I tell a classmate or a friend, or my mom, or even my teachers.. they say.. “Jenna?Not complaining?” This right off the bat makes me feel like I can’t succeed, or get by 2 minutes without complaining. I can’t guarantee that I will not complain once in this week but I will TRY to. Complaining is good… I’ve been reading articles online about complaining and how it reduces stress and I don’t have to bottle everything up inside that way. I’m trying to think of ways I can go with by not complaining OUTLOUD, but maybe just in a notepad… let’s see how this goes. I know this is gonna be hard. I’m not scared, and I’m hoping as the days go on maybe I’ll complain a little but hopefully by the last day I will be positive thoughts and keep my complaints to myself… Lets see what happens.